Fifty-First Entry in the Charles Daniels Unauthorized Programme Guide O' Dune Serial YY - The Spice Pirates - The TARDIS arrives on a desert world with a serious lice problem. A group of Spice Pirates, using really neat personal force fields, break the planet into different component parts trying to steal it. Meanwhile the Doctor has enslaved his companions making them mine large amounts of "cinnamon". They are annoyed to discover the TARDIS has fallen into the hands of the pirates who have decided to sell it at the first collectible antique shoppe they come across as a 20th century water closet. Meanwhile The Space Corps is convinced that the thieves are the innocent wacked out looney space bum survivors of a horrible disaster on board a mining ship. The Space Corps gets immediate assistance from the acting commander of the vessel who has taken it upon himself to track them down and surrender fully whilst implicating his crew mates. The head of The Space Corps interrogates the lowest ranking member of the ship, a disgusting slob and liverpudlian, a member of the species Feline Sapius, with extra-ordinary smell and taste, and a synthetic crew member who, even though mostly harmless, is a banned piece of technology. The Mentats League Of Logic takes the synthetic crew member and thinks up more amusing uses for him such as using his eyes as ping pong balls which brings them endless hours of contemplation in the recreation lounge. Eventually the Doctor gets involved with the wacked out crew of the mining vessel and decides to join their ranks. Immediately he calls for a wardrobe change to fit in with the contemporaries. The Doctor adopts curry stained trousers, a leather jacket, and a t-shirt reading "Will Work For Sex". Jamie finds a neon pink coloured leisure suit and Zoe adopts a red leather cat suit. The Doctor and company track down the real criminals to the planet Krikket. A planet bent on killing all other life and eating mind expanding drugs. Suddenly someone realises six episodes have gone by and no one has come up with one original idea yet for the story. So in time honored fashion the cast of Monty Python arrive to sing The Lumberjack Song and are shot to death by mercenary Storm Troopers working for the Harkonnen Empire. At least that's what I've been lead to believe about this story as I can't bothered to watch the existing episode. Book(s)/Other Related - Doctor Who Goes Crossover Crazy Doctor Mysterio La Copee Writ Violationa Charles Daniels' Big Rip Off Book Of Missing Episodes He Promises He Has But Can't Release Until He Gets A LOT Of Money First And He's Really Serious This Time Not Like Last Time - Volume 3; The Early Years So There Fluffs - Troughton seemed like a smeghead for most this story "So Silly Serpents Slithered Stealthy Serving Scientists--SMEG! Who wrote this dialogue??" Fashion Victims - Troughton wears a goofy fake moustache and starts calling everyone "Mon Capitaine" for no reason Goofs - Zoe does not know how vibrators work, yet in the Mind Shagger she used them regularly without hesitation In the cliffhanger to episode 3 the entire cast is sucked into a whirlwind and drowned to death whilst screaming for eight minutes. In the next episode's resolution the Doctor has stepped in a small puddle, making his shoe a bit damp There are noisy explosions in space, but no floating green lust vixens like in that episode of Lost In Space. Technobabble - "The Baron has a temper, he's likely to explode like nitro9." The device which remotely operates Holly is protected by "computer pattern baldness" technology Links - I've heard this story has a few references and homages to other science fiction novels and series, but they must be very subtle as I've never spotted them. Dialogue Disasters - KRYTEN: You've violated Space Corp Directive #1969! DOCTOR: What's that? KRYTEN: How should I know? I just know there's one of these jokes in every episode! Dialogue Triumphs - LISTER: It is by curry alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of Vindaloo that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, stains become a warning. It is by curry alone I set my mind in motion. DOCTOR: So you're in love with this Kristine are you David? LISTER: Oh yeah, she's incredible. Totally amazing. Her eyes lit up like a pinball machine when you got an extra ball. DOCTOR: Oh, how romantic. LISTER: Haven't you ever wanted someone, more than anyone else, ever? Haven't you felt love and desire? DOCTOR: You have met Zoe right? I mean do you know anything about the type of women I keep around as travelling companions? LISTER: Oh yeah! Well how do you cope with it? DOCTOR: Well I have to fantasize really hard to get them back into my mind, most of the time they just sleep, and I have dirty dreams at night. I have to WANT to remember. LISTER: You have that time machine! you could take us back! You could fix everything! DOCTOR: Don't get your hopes up gimboid! I'm not going to let you losers into my TARDIS! ZOE: There's one thing I don't understand. CAT: You're lucky! There's about a million things I don't understand! ZOE: Well I've re-built the Holly Hop Drive based on the higher principals of quantum physics your AI computer can't handle. RIMMER: Oh, yes....I was just about to do that myself actually. ZOE: Really? How were you planning to maximize efficiency in the 5th dimension? RIMMER: OH THAT! Yes...quite...well......I know! Why don't you do something else useful, like...mmmm...ahh...how about making us a pot of tea! ZOE: Piss off smeghead. RIMMER: I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. DOCTOR: Oh shut-up Rimmer and hide behind the scanner table like last time! RIMMER: Thank you Doctor! Toodle Pipski! DOCTOR: The slow blade penetrates the shield. ZOE: I don't care what you say Doctor, I want you to wear a condom! Viewers' Quotes - "I much prefer the version with the still picture cartoon for the first 30 minutes." - Not David Lynch (1997) "I taped episode two!!!!" - The Bastard Who Didn't Tape episodes 1,3,4,5, or 6 (1998) "I watched this story when it first aired when I was a little boy and I'm very happy that I remember sod all about it." - Most 60s Who Fans (1995) "Oh! Are you talking about Spice World?" - Lots of sad losers we met on the street (1999) "In many ways this story and it's story code speak for itself. For years fans have been asking - YY??" - Charles Daniels, Rude Review Monthly, (1999) "I have only one thing to say about this story - QUIRKS!" - The Creator of the Quirks (1969) Rumors & Facts - After the first five episodes the main cast REFUSED to be present for the studio filming of episode 6. Troughton, Hines, and Padbury appear only in pre-filmed scenes from other stories in episode 6. This was very obvious and very badly edited in. Though luckily this absence from the studio filming saved them from being involved in the massive shoot out scene that ended the story. To this day there are those who insist the trio conspired to kill the various members of the guest cast by swapping the obvious fake space guns of the storm troopers with REAL space guns. Even though it has been pointed out over 30 years that so far there is no such thing as a REAL space gun this hasn't stopped fans from believing. Meanwhile Troughton had fallen deeper into the lure of his cult. He often showed up to the studio dressed as a swami and insisting he be addressed as "His High Keeper Of The Trouser Demon". Frazer Hines had joined the commune as well and now believed his life mission to be research into developing the best ketchup ever known to man. Some behind the scenes trivia you probably don't know is that another story was suppose to be in production at this time called "The Drug Seller". This was dropped at the last minute when the BBC decided that this story might be perceived as having drug connotations. I don't know what this story was about but the writers of the Spice Pirates must have visited a Drug Seller before writing THIS story. On the larger scale the Troughton era was quickly coming to close but changes to reshape Doctor Who were in their genesis. The idea was being discussed to air Doctor Who in COLOUR! However long meetings and fevered discussions went nowhere as no one could agree WHICH Colour to air it in! A few radicals thought they should embrace a fully colour show, except for blue, but as this would cost money AND enhance Doctor Who's popularity the BBC were dead against it. Eventually memos and letters were passed from office to office, individual to individual. Indeed in the historical archives there must be countless of important and information revealing documents with never before published facts about the series. I am just too lazy to go over and research them, so why not buy a Handbook or something? I'm not your mum!