Twenty-First Entry in the Charles Daniels Unauthorized Programme Guide O' Infection Serial V - The Dustbins' Nasty Plan - Episodes: 1. The Travesty Begins 7. The Yeast Of Steven 2. Playin' Hard To Get 'em 8. Dante's Peak 3. Dustbins Plan It 9. Moldy Breath 4. The Tractors 10. Crepe Stitch 5. Forget The Plot 11. Is Anybody Home? 6. Corneas of the Sun 12. Doctor Who Kicks Some Ass The TARDIS materialises on the planet Kipple where the Doctor and his friends meet up with Space Security Service agent Fret Von Lethbridge. The Doctor finds Max McCoy Starkiller's tape and accidently burns it believing other copies to exist in the BBC Archives. Fret and the Doctor notice the planet's unusual tidiness and the Doctor realises at once that it must be the work of his old foes, the Dustbins. Fret and the Doctor decide they must warn the earth about the Dustbin presence but not necessarily right away, after all they should at least give the Dustbins the chance to capture them first so they can escape dramatically and then warn the earth. Approaching the Dustbin encampment the Doctor and Fret listen to the public announcement system through which the Dustbins give away all their top secret plans - They need fairy liquid to power their ultimate weapon known as The Grime Destructor, they have an alliance with Magic Chin the Security Guard of the Solar System, and that they plan to end the war on drugs once and for all. The Doctor realising it is only 4000 AD and therefore the war on drugs must go on at least another 100,000 years decides to steal the Fairy Liquid from Magic Chin (Maverick Chin to his pals). Unfortunately Chin has been doing some LSD in the Dustbins' war room and declares that the Doctor, Fret, and companions are giant Tractors out to kill them all. Luckily the Doctor is able to make off with the Fairy Liquid and escapes even before really ever being captured. Fleeing from those wacky Dustbins in Magic Chin's Spice Ship the Doctor, Fret, Steven, and Katarina arrive on the tacky cardboard-looking planet Desperado. Passing by a familiar rocky cliff in a lonely desert they meet a crazed fellow named Captain Kirk. Captain Kirk beats them back to the Spice Ship and holds Katarina hostage in an airlock where he forces her at gun point to wear a mini-skirt and prepare crepe suzette. Out of desperation Katarina opens the airlock where both her and Captain Kirk eject out to their deaths. The Doctor cries for several minutes. Steven and Fret comfort the Doctor over the death of Katarina but he explains he was just really hungry and loves crepes. In one of a number of silly attempts to recapture the Fairy Liquid Magic Chin (Maverick Chin to enemies as well) sends Space Security Service agent Sara Kingdom. Immediately Sara recognises her brother Fret and kills him for taunting her with his pet turtle all through her childhood. The Doctor and Steven assure her that they are the good guys and that they have never owned turtles in their lives. She is not sure if she should believe them however she was also traumatised by a bizarre and giant chin in her adolescence so she joins them on principal. They have a strange and completely unimportant meeting with the Wine Peddler who invites them over for a drink on their way back to the planet Kipple. The Wine Peddler uses his devious powers and knowledge of alcoholic seduction to get out of his Monk's robes and into Sara Kingdom's pants. This so outrages the Doctor the he leaves immediately and is forever embittered that every chance he has ever had for rompy sex has been destroyed by circumstance and villainy. The Doctor arrives on Kipple in the mood to kick serious ass. He powers up the Grime Destructor, reverses the grime flow, and uses it as a deadly weapon against the Dustbins. Sadly Sara Kingdom ignores the Doctor's threats and stays outside where she is grimed to death. The Doctor laughs maniacally as he destroys everything around him. Book(s)/Other Related - Doctor Who & The Dustbins' Nasty Plan Doctor Who Kicks Serious Ass (aka Doctor Who Machine Gun Crazy) A Hard Day's Dust - record LP, casette, CD Fluffs - Hartnell seemed confused for most of this story "Mavic..Magic Chin! I say it is hypnotising isn't it? That chin of yours my dear boy. You must be in some way related to the infamous Leno family." "So you see this Fairy Liquid must be used to clean that which can be cleaned with the grime destructor which needs the fairy liquid to clean that which, I say how many light earths away is that grime destructor?" Fashion Victims - If Magic Chin was a Spice Girl he'd be Plastic Surgery Spice, well more so than the others Goofs - Max McCoy Starkiller's taped message in different from the one he made in 'Pissin' On the Unknown', for instance the phrase "Those Dustbin bastards!!" appears twice as often as in the original The Doctor pulls silly faces and starts to make noises like the Three Stooges during cellular dissemination A police box would look rather out of place in the Police Commissioner's trousers Fret Von Lethbridge's grave stone reads "Fret Von Fretbridge-Stewart" Technobabble - The Doctor places Fret in a force field that works on a "damn hard to get into principle of physics". The Dustbins use a 'dusterizer' and a 'wheetabix' beam to try to stop various escape ships the Doctor uses Dialogue Disasters - WOMAN: Is that a police box in your trousers Commissioner or are you just happy to see me? STEVEN: Are these breath mints? DOCTOR: Do you think they are lollipops? Take them NOW! Please! KIRK: You. Must. Help. ME. Escape. You. Are. My. Only. Hope. I. Love. Crepe. Suzette. You. Will. Pre-pare. Them. For. Me! DOCTOR (to Sara): Pull your pants up madam!! Can't you see the Monk is trying to seduce you?! That's my job! FRET: Get me out of the this place, it's full of Studio cameras! DOCTOR: And I hope you bastards at home are enjoying yourself for Christmas cause I'm sure not having any fun. Dialogue Triumphs - Asked if he is English the Doctor says: "Your ideas are too narrow, too creped. I bum about the universe and I'm a bastard to boot." DOCTOR: Hasta La Vista Dustbins! Rumors & Facts - This story sadly does not exist in full, in fact only Forget the Plot and Crepe Stitch are known to exist at this time. This creates several problems in understanding this incredibly long and simplistic story. The character Katarina who was to be the new companion was dropped when the writers realised they'd have to explain futuristic things like space ships, computers, television, fire lighters, digital watches, the calendar, the number zero, and well just about everything to Katarina as she was not only ancient but not particularly bright either. It was long rumored that Katarina had no clue that she was pushing an airlock open but just thought it was the flashy button to make the toast pop up. This is probably incorrect but to be honest I haven't bothered to go and look it up so it's on you. After all this is merely a reference work not the answers to all the world's questions and it doesn't really matter as this whole thing is rather inaccurate anyway. Can't wait to get all the hate mail from sad fans - "NO! The creature in the backround of serial L was a Dildo MONSTER not a Dildo BEAST!", then I can write back "Sorry, I'm not an expert on Dildos and so I bow before your superior knowledge." Anyway moving on, there were rumors that Fret Von Lethbridge (aka Fretbridge-Stewart) and Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart were played by the SAME actor, one Nicholas Courtney. However research shows that these were not the same actor but instead two completely different actors with the same name, same physical appearance, same acting history, same birth dates, and same home address. I know this seems impossible but the Internet Movie Database assures me that this is the correct information and computers are never wrong. It is my theory that they chose Nicholas Courtney for the role over Nicholas Courtney to support the obvious fan wank theory that Fretbridge-Stewart was the great great great granddaughter of Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart who hated her identical twin sister with a different last name and decided to get a sex change operation to make herself look exactly like her great great great grandfather. It has long been criticized how in episode 7, the Yeast of Steven where Steven discovers Katarina has left him with a rather nasty reminder of their short lived one night stand behind the Doctor's back, the Doctor breaks the imaginary fourth wall and gives the viewer at home a warm Christmas greeting. For years the exact audio was missing but when it was recovered it revealed that he was indeed exceedingly upset and insulting about this Christmas greeting thus preserving the spirit of the episode and character of the first Doctor. Indeed it is some what pleasing that William Hartnell decided to include the audience at home in the continuing drama of the Doctor's quest for sexual relations and his ever increasing frustrations - this time reaching such heights as to call the viewers themselves "bastards" for he knew that millions of lovers were going to be doing the nasty on Christmas night when he was stuck bored and lonely on the TARDIS with diseased companions.