Thirty-Eighth Entry in the Charles Daniels Unauthorized Programme Guide O' Suspicion Serial LL - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Of The Dustbins - Episodes: 1. What's This Crap? 5. The Slob Factor 2. The Urge Tightens 6. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder of the Dustbins 3. A Trial of Wank 7. The Naughty End Of the Dustbins 4. A Test Of Will The TARDIS is stolen from Gatwick airport and driven off in an ice cream truck. The Doctor and Jamie are easily distracted when they buy ice cream and don't realise the TARDIS has been nicked even as they purchased Astro Pops! Jamie is horrified that the TARDIS has been stolen but the Doctor doesn't seem to give a damn. Instead he wanders into an antique sex shoppe looking for 19th century erotic literature. After buying a few S&M Victorian novels and dancing with some kids in a diner for no reason other than the plug the Dustbins new album "Dust Masters Vol II" the Doctor realises that the TARDIS was taken to the same antique sex shoppe he'd just visited. The cover story is that a young couple had the kinky desire to have sex inside of a police call box. The Doctor rushes forth with Jamie so he can watch but is stunned when he finds himself, Jamie, and the shoppe's owner, Edward Waterfield, transported back to 1869. They are now in the house of Theodore Huxtible, who, with Waterfield's help, has devised a method of time-travel involving sheep, laytex - and the Dustbins! The Dustbins are cleaning Waterfield's daughter, Victoria, repeatly, again and again. They refuse to release Victoria until they have cleaned her completely and many attempts at rescue have failed because she just seems to be enjoying the whole thing too much. The Dustbins feel they have failed to conquer humanity because of something lacking in their own character. They force the Doctor to generate something called "The Slob Factor" to create an army of Super Dustbins. The Doctor gives Jamie a plate of ribs, a large pizza, and a curry with naan bread so he can register his every emotion and action whilst he eats. After the meal Jamie is angry that the Doctor is not coming forth with all he knows and isn't letting him read the pornographic novels he bought, so he sets out to rescue Victoria in spite. The Doctor feels horrible for using his old friend but his must work on putting the Slob Factor into three experimental Dustbins. The experiment backfires for the Dustbins as these new Super Dustbins refuse to tidy their rooms, play ball in the house, and use their attachments and not silverware whilst eating meals. The Dustbins discover a love of football, lager, and swearing. Finally the regular Dustbins can take no more when they discover the Super Dustbins hooking up adult cable channels illegally. All the Dustbins are recalled back to Fargo where the Emperor Dustbin reveals the true purpose of the experiment. The Emperor plans to inject the Doctor with the "Dustbin Factor" which he will take back to Earth, and turn it's inhabitants into Dustbin-like creatures with an obsessive compulsive disorder to tidy, re-tidy, and to check the stove again before tidying some more. The Doctor is passed through a machine for transforming Humans into mental Dustbins - but remains unaffected because he's not human!! This shows the Dustbins also had the IQ of the grime they were so intent on destroying. Completely fooling the idiotic Dustbin Emperor the Doctor is able the slobize some of the Dustbins. Soon civil war erupts on Fargo between Manchester United supporting Dustbins and Liverpool FC supporters, why no one will ever know. The Doctor feels no love for his unkempt Dustbin creations and allows the war to continue and rage on while he runs away as quickly as possible. On the way to the TARDIS he sees Jamie and Victoria standing around lost and decides that saving their lives would be a good first impression and seriously help his awakening feelings of sexual desire. Book(s)/Other Related - Doctor Who Diagnoses The Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Of The Dustbins Dust Masters Vol II - LP, Cassette, CD The Slob Factor - A Guide To Fandom Fluffs - The Dustbins seemed friendly for most of this story People continually call Waterfield "Wankerfield" and refer to the planet "Fargo" as "Studio 5B". Fashion Victims - Edward Waterfield goes around topless in fishnet stockings but his 19th century French maid goes around in a conservative uniform! Goofs - In episode two a BBC camera, camera man, reporter, and catering van get into the shot when Victoria bends over. The massed Dustbins of the final battle are obviously tacky toys with the words "Doctor Who" painted on the side Why not just kidnap the Doctor and Jamie? Since Jamie is so essential to Dustbin plans, why is the food they serve him so obviously revolting? Why did they rely on establishments like Kwik Kurry, Kebab Kid, and Pizza 2 Go? Couldn't hopeful world dominators afford better food? How do they know he's a slob anyway? Technobabble - The Doctor explains the time travel theory developed by the two scientists works under the complicated "Orgamso-Disgusto" principal Link - The Doctor mentions that he has not been so disgusted by any enemy since The Tense Planet. He also brags that he has shagged a Chinese girl - Michael Palin or some Missing Adventure? Dialogue Disasters - Dire Dustbin dialogue disasters - "You will not clean the flying pests outside" "Ditzy Doctor!" "You are evil Doctor. You have not bought our number one album!" "Clean her again!" "Tidy Without Mercy!" "When we sweep clean the slobs a new sparkling bright future will shine for the dustbins!" Extra special mention for Theordore Huxtible's terrible grammar and sentence structure Theo: All that you see here will be yours! Doctor: What, the curtains? Theo: No Doctor! Everything you see here which was created by us to that is we the people will be yours which we made. Doctor: But I don't want land! Theo: Eh? Oh...I see. You'll take land and you'll marry Princess Gwendale and you'll like it! Doctor: But I want to sing, sing, sign! Theo: Oh no!! None of that! Dialogue Triumphs - Molly (The French maid) says to Jamie - I know what it's like with soldiers, you just storm in, accomplish your mission, and pull out. The Doctor (in a reflective mood): I am not a student of Human Nature. I am a professor of a much wider academy of which Human Nature is merely a part! Jamie: Oh so you like all the NAs then? Rumors & Facts - There is a rumor that Terry Nation was paid 1500 pounds an episode for the use of the Dustbins while the man who designed the Dustbins was given a pink slip from the BBC for failing to ever come up with any ideas and started his revolutionary new diet of eating mouldy shoes to survive. This rumor is inaccurate as the BBC would simply never be that generous. Terry was lucky to get 15 pounds per episode and the actual designer had long ago been fired and driven to eating his own mouldy shoeless feet. It is interesting to note that the 1992 audio release story had a scene cut at the Tricolour Bar because the song "Rubbishbin Duster" was playing in the backround and they didn't want to pay Nation anymore money. At this time it was felt that the Dustbins had been used to the limit of their potential in the series so this story was written to kill them off and set the stage for Terry Nation's new series of projects - "Dustbins - The Musical" "Dustbins American Style" "El Loco Dustbins El Grande" "Dustbins, A Love Story" "The Adventures of Max Dustkiller, Secret Space Security Service Agent" "Nestle Candy Bar Dustbin Comics" "In God We Dust" "Dustbins, An Educational Short On Hygiene" "Lust In The Dust" "The Dustbins Go West" And the short lived "Dustman - Private Eye" Each of these projects fell apart in planning or failed to live up to their potential. The most successful was "Dustbins - The Musical" which toured for over 12 years until the public finally decided a musical about animated dustbins who face oppression and social strife in Post-Revolutionary France was a bit contrived and unbelievable. Their were public relations gymnastics happening behind the scenes. One of the key reasons the Dustbins actually left Doctor Who turned out to be a grab for a good public image. Producers and Marketing Executives explained that the Dustbins Mop Combo couldn't sustain their "Lovable Mutants From Liverpool" image with the public if they were the vile enemies of the Doctor every week. The Dustbins visited schools, did charity work, and went all out to be very polite and friendly in front of the media. It seemed they'd been spin doctored completely - gone was the vile world destroying menace and here was the lovable Dustbin plush dolls and bubblegum pop love songs. Meanwhile on the Doctor Who scene the fans of the Dustbins were outraged that their favorite foes had been exterminated. The summer of 1967 saw many riots and public outcry for the Dustbins immediate return. Dweezil Guppy, head of the insane fan group movement, was quoted saying "Give me Dust, Or Give Me Death." Rumors have it that at this time the general public was still in love with those adorable cleaning mutants but in fact it was only the seriously deranged who still gave a toss about them. Most notable about this story other than the destruction of the dustbins were the letters of complaint recieved at the BBC over the gratuitous full body cleaning scenes of the Dustbins torturing Victoria. At the time the BBC said it was a multi-layered and complex issue dealing with people of various backrounds all approaching the material from different perspectives. A modern analysis of the complaints however shows two clear cut sides. The first being old ladies who felt the scenes were far too graphic in nature and men of all ages who complained they just didn't go far enough, many of them providing questionable pictures of women they claimed to be seeing on a regular basis. I myself as the programme guide author must remain informative and neutral, but DAMN some of those pictures were good! There was this one with a woman and a bottle of milk and she was...ahh.. YES anyway as I said it was a complex issue dealing with people of various backrounds all approaching the material from different perspectives. Past all the rumor, the flith, the muck, the gore, one thing is clear - The Dustbins would be back, and they would be very very naughty little wankers indeed.