Thirty-Seventh Entry in the Charles Daniels Unauthorized Programme Guide O' Paradox Special Thanks To David A. McIntee, somewhat for the suggestion of the title but mostly so I could AGAIN slap David A. McIntee's established name on my Programme Guide. So go out, buy all his books, and worship a false idol in his image, I have! Serial KK - The Feckless Ones - It is Gatwick Airport in 1966 and the TARDIS materialises on the runway in front of an oncoming jet. The Doctor is yelled at for piloting the TARDIS wasted on cheap booze and he runs out of the TARDIS screaming. Everyone hides to avoid airport security on the look for a bunch of drunken hooligans who love to place police boxes in front of oncoming aircraft - the strange hooligan sport of the mid-60s. While Polly hides in a hanger she witnesses aliens having rompy sex orgies with young persons. Polly is invited into the rompy sex fest if she denies her friends. Happily she takes the name Michelle Leuppi and joins the party. The Doctor, Ben, and Jamie discover that there is rompy sex in the hanger and are incredibly angry that they aren't invited to join in like Polly. Immediately the Doctor and Jamie march to report it while Ben tries to sneak into the cult. The Doctor and Jamie tell the airport authority and they are very keen to uncover this sort of thing going on so they can get into the action themselves. The airport authorities can't track down the cult members as they hide in crates immediately. Everyone gets incredibly angry at the Doctor for letting their hopes up and they devise new and bizarre tortures to inflict on him involving in-flight magazines. The Doctor begs for a chance to prove his story and out of desperation they allow him free access throughout the airport. He uncovers that a pathetic race of aliens is twisting the minds of young travellers at the airport and conning them into joining a swingers club of 50,000 young men and women. The Doctor and Jamie set out to expose the aliens who are shocked to have been discovered before they finally left for their own planet to start a new publication called "Play Being". The Doctor rescues the 50,000 swingers from the weak aliens against their will. Exposed and known to the authorities of earth the aliens decide to move on to the next world on their list. The young swingers shuffle back to their homes, grumbling and disappointed. Ben and Polly are so outraged at the Doctor for spoiling their fun that they refuse to see him ever again. Book(s)/Other Related - Doctor Who & The Horny Aliens Feeble Aliens In Fiction - Doctor Who Edition Doctor Mysterio - Le Alienes La Orgie Fluffs - Troughton seemed sexually frustrated for most of this story "Oh fiddlesticks! My dear! Had I known that I would have.. well great gobstoppers what the flip-a-paluza is that?" Fashion Victims - The Feckless Ones wear pancakes over their heads for most of the story Goofs - Why is it that young nubile men and women could be so easily seduced by a race of puny aliens who spend most of their time re-gluing pancakes to their faces? Technobabble - The Doctor uses Jamie's tern of "flashy death gun" throughout the story even though everyone knows the official scientific term is "ray gun". Link - In one scene we see Hartnell trying desperately to be molested by a Wank Machine in the backround Dialogue Disasters - Joe Norton wrote in his diary on 15 April 1967 - "Watched Doctor Who on television. Rubbish...but there's one boy on there I'd really like to molest with a giant vibrating.." This is thought to be a reference to Christopher Tranchell or Frazer Hines. Dialogue Triumphs - When he sees Polly working behind the bar - DOCTOR: Make it a double! Polly and Ben have an interesting conversation with the Doctor about continuity matters - POLLY: Doctor! This is July 19th! The day before we left! DOCTOR: I guess so. BEN: Well don't you see the vast potential? We could go into London, find the other TARDIS, and you could warn yourself about the up coming disaster with the Cybermen! POLLY: Yes then you'd still be alive! DOCTOR: Leave the temporal engineering to me, okay. BEN: But surely you can't turn this down! You'll never get another chance. DOCTOR: I'm glad the old wanker is dead quite frankly. POLLY: But you're him! BEN: And he's you! DOCTOR: And if either of you say "And we are all together" I'll punch your teeth out. Rumors & Facts - There is a rumor that the stories The Wank Machines and The Feckless Ones overlap seamlessly into one perfect tale. Actually these stories ignore each other as greatly as possible. Indeed at this point we are meant to believe the wank machines threathen to conquer all of earth while at the same time the Feckless Ones are busy planning to get all the young men and women off the earth. Could it be that the Feckless Ones were doing it out of pity so the youth of earth wouldn't be dominated by machines? Is it possible the Doctor totally screwed up? It is likely I'm just angry that we had a story about galactic orgies and we never ONCE see Polly get her kit off in this story to a bit of the old zero-g sensual aerobics?!? YUP! That's it.