One Hundred and Tenth Entry in the Charles Daniels Unauthorized Programme Guide O' Vulcans Serial 5L - The Horny Nimoy - The planet Skonnos has been made the victim of a horrific deception. Skonnosians have been promised by an alien, Leonard Nimoy, that he will restore their empire to greatness if they in return provide acting roles to a man "of unmatchable talents" named William Shatner. Nimoy conceals the fact that the mysterious Shatner requires young sacrifices and radioactive hymetusite crystals, both of which they are obtaining from eBay. With the completely indestructable TARDIS immobilised for repairs, the Doctor and Romana encounter the Skonnan spaceship transporting the latest sacrificial consignment to Shatner's 'Power Dome'. Romana is captured and taken to Skonnos on board the ship, while the Doctor follows in the TARDIS which he has somehow partially repaired with a Yo-Yo. Once there, they discover that Shatner is playing the role of a powerful leader named Soldeed. Shatner, has claimed to be the reincarnation of Soldeed, and has taken to the role with a natural aplomb -- as if he was born to be Soldeed. The people of Skonnos are convinced by Shatner's geniune nature and his close portrayal of their leader, who died whilst committing unseemingly acts with an electric blanket some years before, and willingly obey him in all matters of state. Meanwhile deep within Nimoy's labyrinthine power complex strange and mysterious things are afoot. The two Time Lords discover that Nimoy is a parasite moving from planet to planet with the souless intent of getting Shatner ever better acting roles. The pointy-eared Nimoy travels to an unsuspecting world, acting as a friendly and devoted actors' agent in order to gain the trust of its inhabitants, then, once trust is established, begins to place Shatner in roles of power while draining better actors of their resources, jobs, and even talents. The power complex, fuelled by hymetusite, is manned and operated by young, attractive, scantily-clad people who are there solely to amuse Nimoy. The power complex uses a black hole to create a space tunnel through which Nimoy crosses from one planet to the next. The Doctor realises that he has to act fast -- literrally! -- to save Skonnos. Through a clever and highly imaginative disguise he convinces the people of Skonnos that he is in fact the Electric Blanket that killed the original Soldeed. The Doctor insists that he can tell that this is NOT the reincarnation of Soldeed, and he, being the Electric Blanket that shared those last few initimate moments with the crazed dictator, would definitely know the truth. Most civilized races would scoff at the assertions of a self-proclaimed hyper-intelligent electric blanket wearing a multi-coloured scarf -- but the gullible people of Skonnos believe every word of the Doctor's incredible, if not disturbing, story. So outraged are the people of Skonnos with the deceptions of Shatner and Nimoy that they destroy the power complex and kill Shatner. However, Nimoy escapes through the black hole at the last possible second in a moment of obvious sequel fodder. Book(s)/Other Related - Doctor Who And The Shatner Dilemma Playboy, Jan 1980, The Girls of Dr. Who Star Dreck: The Search For The Final Frontier Fluffs - Tom Baker seemed illogical for most of this story Fashion Victims - One piece tunics looked just as silly in 1979 Goofs - William Shatner was allowed to act Technobabble - The classic technobabble discussion about how to work the black hole travelspace vortex - Nimoy: Inverse tackyon admissions! Doctor: Automate atomic relays! Nimoy: Reversing the Neutron Flow. Doctor: What did you say? Nimoy: The proper procedure is to reverse the neutron flow. Doctor: I've never met anyone else who reversed the neutron flow.. well not like I do....I LOVE YOU!!!! Links and References - The Doctor causally mentions to K-9 that he hasn't had a bath since he spent time with the 'Serves You Right'. (Serial G?? LET'S HOPE NOT!! Yuughhh.) Untelevised Misadventures - The Doctor causually mentions that he was once transformed into a pipe-smoking caterpillar during his crazy college days Groovy DVD Extras - Five more exciting moments of the evil Nimoy stroking his goatee Tom Baker in an exclusive commentary track, in which, he occassionally speaks. Dialogue Disasters - Nimoy: I am not Spock! Dialogue Triumphs - The Doctor: You're the sexiest girl I've met in quite a few millenia. Romana: Thank you, Doctor! Doctor: Not you - the TARDIS! Soldeed: You will be taken into the Sphere of Pain! Doctor: OH NO!! NOT THE SPHERE OF PAIN!!! Anything but that! Soldeed: YES DOCTOR! Doctor: Oh please! All my life I have dreaded the Sphere of Pain. Soldeed: So you know of it? Doctor: Well, not as such, no..but with a name like The Sphere of Pain, it's likely to be rather nasty isn't it? I mean otherwise it would probably have a cheerier and more promising name like "The Circle of Acute Discomfort". Soldeed: DO NOT MOCK ME DOCTOR! Doctor: Oh please, I am trying very hard to sound impressed by your instruments of torture. Of course if you did threathen to throw me into the Ovoid of Minor Unpleasantness, then that would be nearly impossible - but Sphere of Pain, that's classic. It reminds me of the most horrid and evil device I've ever been tortured with. Soldeed: Really? Well, I doubt you've seen anything as horrid as the Sphere of Pain. Doctor: Well it's hard to tell in advance of course, but once, long ago I faced an evil, so evil, it's evil is definitely difficult to describe. Soldeed: What was this spectacular device? Doctor: The name makes me shutter to speak it. Soldeed: Then tell me, it would be delightful to see you shutter. Doctor: It was called...The Thingy of Death. Soldeed: The Thingy of Death? Doctor: YES! It was horrific beyond all imagining, with just one minor flaw. Soldeed: And that was? Doctor: Well it didn't work you see. But otherwise, it was the most terrifying thingy I ever encountered. Dialogue Oddities - (ORIGINAL SCRIPT) The Doctor: A spacial distortion displacement device! Banned on all known worlds! It's too dangerous! (ON SCREEN) Tom Baker: A spacial distortion displacement device! Banned in all known galaxies! I think I have one in my pocket! Viewers' Quotes - "I found this a rather silly, badly made story. I especially disliked those silly costumes for Leonard Nimoy, and the very low level of acting -- which I guess one must come to expect. The Doctor also didn't have to be so graphic in those electric blanket sequences." - Mary Hoagland (1980) "Probably the thing I liked most about this story was the fantastic blanket sex thing -- but then, I'm weird." - Charles Daniels (1991) "This depicts human beings in bondage, a grossly inhumane image to expose our nation's children too -- but just the sort of thing I like to buy down at the sex shoppes myself, with the usual clerical discount of course." - Father James O' Maley (1979) Psychotic Nostalgia - "What do you get when you add 2 plus 2? A WHOLE HECK OF A LOT OF BLOOD!! Get it??! GET IT?!! HAHAHA! Man, I was so hyped by this story, the night it aired, I didn't have to go out killin'. The video wasn't as good though.........you lookin' at me boy?" Tom Baker Speaks! "Ah, now I remember! This story is about a man who feels more comfortable being initimate with electrified bedding than with other human beings -- and I can relate to that. Electric bedding is always warm and welcoming, in the same way that a lover can be distant and cold. I remember those cold days of being a poor toothless chimney sweep boy in my tiny village of Grimyshire, I would be beaten nearly to death by old men, and then my mother would force feed me gravel, and then I would find that desperate burglers had stolen my flea infested bed sheets -- and I would be grateful not to have to endure another night of bug bites. I was miserably poor you know, I'm not sure I've ever let that side of my history come out. I'm terribly shy you know." Rumors & Facts - It is fair to say that The Horny Nimoy has acquired something of a reputation amongst Doctor Who fans as an atrocious story with some of the sloppiest production ever seen in the series - this is an interesting reputation because the story strives, in every frame, to live up to it. The story is supposedly loosely based on the Minoan tale of "Theseus and the Minotaur", which the Greek historian Herodotus described as "a bit crap actually". One of the strategies producer Graham Williams and script editor Douglas Adams had planned for Doctor Who's seventeenth season had been to seek out as many new writers as possible, and kill them. Their idea was that without writers there would be no stories to produce or scripts to edit. Unfortunately, as Williams and Adams had a limited amount of time for their nocturnal delights, a few writers slipped away from their attention -- usually, the bad ones. Adams and Williams boasted how they could immediately recognise a new talent, accept his story proposal first thing in the morning, have a nice long chat about the plot line, and then have him finished off good and dead before lunchtime. Many stories were commissioned from writers who then mysteriously ended up dead before the deadline, Williams and Adams apparently told the BBC that they had merely hit an annoying snag, and promised to look for longer lived writers when possible. The stories that were commissioned but writers never lived to pen had such titles as "The Minibus of Death", "The Object of Doom", and "Valley Of The Bendy Toys". Unfortunately, it slowly became apparent that none of these would be in a suitable condition for production in time for the start of work on Serial 5L - especially with all the rigor mortis going on. The director assigned to The Horny Nimoy was Death McBain, his only Doctor Who work. Shatner and Nimoy were not willing to work cheap, and in fact the entire budget of this serial ended up in their pockets someway or another. To ease strain on the programme's budget, McBain was instructed to cast primarily chimps and small parrots in the supporting roles.