Massive Spoiler Warnings!! Those who do not want Spoilers...RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!! See the ENTIRE archive and image site at - http://www.whoguide.com/ It's - The One Hundred and Eighty-Third Entry in the Charles Daniels Unauthorized Programme Guide O' Slip Ups Episode 2.06 - The Wills of Steel - With lightning fast action the Doctor pulls himself out of his trousers, aims it at the steel warriors and almost immediately a stream flies out at them. They are each hit by the stream and begin to disintegrate. The entire room looks at the Doctor in complete and total disgust. "WHAT?! I've just saved all your lives!" Rose glares at the Doctor, shocked "That was...so...so...disgusting. What...how?" "Oh, well you see I always worried the Cybermen would come back. So I infused my semen with gold. Most logical way to defeat the Cybermen in the heat of things. I thought it was clever." People shuffle out of the room, avoiding making eye contact with the Doctor. "Oh! Come on! Don't leave!! Show me SOME appreciation! At least help me mop up the floor!" Outside the house the traumatized survivors form their own ad hoc resistance force. "We can't EVER let that happen again!" Pete exclaims. "We need to make sure we keep the resistance in our own hands....fight back. Each of us!" In the conversion factory Lumic marvels at his perfect "Cyberdoll" creations. He asks them what it feels like to never tire, to have Wills of Steel. One of the creatures replies; Excellent! Lumic then asks what they think in their minds and again the creature replies to him; They want to conquer the cosmos. To conquer entire civilizations in a variety of fetishistic military uniforms with ridiculously large guns. Lumic asks them again about their thoughts and the creature replies, explaining their longing to feel living skin, to upgrade it to metallic perfection. Lumic excuses himself to go to the toilet. In the streets of London, a pink car with six wheels rips through the roads at speeds in the triple digits. Jackie Tyler is driving direct to Lumic's Headquarters with a crazed determination. Elsewhere the Doctor, Rose, Pete, and Mickey are having a small picnic of food items left over from the party while hiding behind a crowd of bins. Pete seems bored "Shouldn't we all be, you know, following my advice? Resisting?" The Doctor takes a bite of a tuna and sweetcorn sandwich triangle and insists "Well, we may not be resisting conversion, but we are resisting convention -- I mean who has a picnic next to some rubbish bins during the height of an oncoming apocalypse? Seriously, you get about, oh, a dozen or so good apocalypses a year on this planet, it's nice to take a more relaxed approach now and again. Hob nob?" In the distance the Cyber Conversion Factory can be seen. The Cyber Conversion Factory is laid out over two levels, with various trap doors in the floor, a wench elevator, lots of flashing lights, and a big dramatic conversion module in the middle -- which makes for an absolutely brilliant playset which you can buy exclusively at Toys R Us for £24.99 In the Cyber Conversion Factory, in the really cool part on the upper level where you put all the glossy stickers to make it look just like it was in the TV show, Mr Crane is being escorted into the main control room by a crowd of Cybermen. Lumic addresses him, stating that when they first met, he thought Mister Crane was "a bit of a bastard" but since that time he has helped Lumic establish the largest and most powerful chain of Adult Superstores the galaxy has ever known. "I've been reviewing my Boys Own Book of Super Villainy, Mister Crane." Starts Lumic with a threatening tone. "And it is at precisely this point in the proceedings when the villain traditionally kills his most loyal henchman out of paranoia, founded or unfounded. I have no reason to believe that you are anything but a loyal and good friend. However, I am a stickler for tradition Mister Crane. A stickler for tradition." At that moment a Cyberman reaches out and zaps Crane dead with a mighty bolt of electricity. Arching in his wheel chair, Lumic laughs maniacally, "YES! NOW I AM SET ABOVE THE GODS!" As Mister Crane's body slumps lifeless to the ground, Lumic rants, about his inevitable personal victory. Only to be interrupted by a Cyberman. "We were made in your image." Said the Cyberman simply in it's cold metal voice. Lumic is thrown by the comment momentarily. "Of course. I am your creator." The Cyberman explained. "We too are sticklers for tradition. And it is at precisely this point in the proceedings when the monster turns upon it's creator." Lumic weighed the Cyberman word's carefully in his mind for a moment, before noting -- "Oh, shit." The Cyberman thumps at the Cybus logo on its chest and Lumic’s chair moves forward, escorted by his own creations. The Doctor, Rose, Pete and Mickey have finished their picnic and notice a hot pink six-wheeled vehicle approaching the Cyber Conversion Factory at speed. Peter recognises the distinct car itself, but the reg plate (FAB1) confirms his fears, it's the same car he bought for Jackie for her last 40th birthday party. Why would Jackie be driving into the heart of Lumic's empire? Some time later the Doctor and company descend into the darkened cooling ducts of the factory. Mickey, who usually just is a tool for every occasion, now seems to have a tool for every occasion, as he magically produces four torch helmets and hand held lights that he explains he always carries on his person for just such a circumstance. They start on their way and discover a line of Cybermen, standing against the wall waiting. The Doctor explains they are dormant, already converted but silent, awaiting purchase. They make their way to the main part of the ground floor. On the ground floor of the Cyber Conversion Factory there is this cool little area where you can load and unload toy lorries with International Electromatic logos on them, but you have to buy those separately. The lorries seen in the episode are empty, waiting for a lorry drivers' strike to end; In fact Lumic should have kept up with industrial disputes as his entire invasion plan has essentially already been trashed by relying so heavily on a unionized labour force as the single most important key component; actually getting the raw numbers of human bodies delivered for conversion. Well, the lorry drivers are going to want extra for having to cram a bunch of people in the back, aren't they? They examine the factory floor in all it's gruesome detail. The corridors are lined with pipes which will lead people into giant tanks. After they step inside they will be bombarded by spinning knives and other blades, which will scratch away the flesh before the Cyberman helmet is lowered into the tank, and the creature is complete. Or that's the plan anyway. In the main control room of the Cyber Factory, (the bit with the ultra cool plasma disc lightshow, for which you need two AA batteries, not included), Lumic has been converted into the Cyber Controller. Lumic sits plugged into a throne of metal. Larger than any other Cyberman, it is more robust and its brain can be seen through the top of its head. Its eyes glow when it speaks...on the phone - "Look, I just need you to work the weekend. Just get some lads down here and drive these damned lorries to the depot. That's all I need you to do. We can work out rates come next week. I promise." He booms in a metallic god-like presence. He is interrupted when Jackie Tyler bursts into the throne room screaming - "TAKE ME YOU WILD ROBOT MEN! I WANT TO FEEL YOUR IRON WILLS!" Sometime later The Doctor, Mickey, Rose, and Pete have exhausted all their efforts to find any signs of activity at all. The Cyber Conversion Factory (RRP £24.99) seems completely abandoned on the ground level. They decide to expand their search and they too discover the entrance into the throne room. By the time they enter Jackie has already left for a debauched evening with various Cybermen leaving our heroes unaware of her...plight. When they enter the throne room, the Cyber Controller is again in the midst of a heated argument over the phone, and while he glances at the group to acknowledge their presence he tries to wave them into a corner to suggest they wait a few minutes. Stunned, the Doctor waits patiently for several seconds, finally, The Cyber Controller cups his cold metal hand over the telephone and says to our heroes -- "Look, it looks like the invasion is just off for this weekend. Can we try this again later in the week? I'm really terribly sorry about all this." The Doctor stands his ground proudly "No! This ends here NOW! Today!" The Cyber Controller shakes his head and says into the phone "Yeah, Mac. Sorry about this. I'm going to have to go. Call you later." The Cyber Controller eyes seem to glow with shame as he hangs up. Everything suddenly clicks in the Doctor's head -- The empty trucks, the abandoned factory, the angry phone call -- "Wait, wait just a minute! Lumic! That's it! You Lumic are the world's foremost cybernetic engineer. BUT...you just suck at logistics. Don't you?" The Cyber Controller slumps into his seat. "Yes. I am just crap. I can design a new race of sexual super men. I can provide immortality and immorality on a scale never before dreamt by humanity. BUT. I just can't arrange the god damn mass transport to the Conversion Factory!" The Doctor scratches his head and paces around the room. "Well, yeah, come to think of it. One mad man. A few ex-homeless Cyberlackeys to run the throne room. One Cyber Conversion Factory in the South of London. Three lorries, and...what.. SIX Billion people to convert?? I mean, if you packed the lorries full each time...that's still..what...40 million trips to the factory and back?" Lumic feebly defends himself "Once I had more Cybermen, I was going to get some more lorries." The Doctor looks incredulous at this remark. "You know, the problem here Cyber Controller is...your global domination plan is a bit...shit. I'm not sure what to do next. Because usually I've got some clever plan to thwart or subvert, or, turn on it's head...but...I've just got nothing to work with here!" There is a super fast cut And the next thing we know -- The Doctor is on the phone - "Look Mac, I KNOW this all sounds a bit crazy. I just want you to come down to the factory. Just so, you know, theoretically, the lorries could be driven away, and some people COULD be in danger, and there is some sort of peril and threat to the world, and then you know, I can do my whole avenging angel thing and stop you. Alright?" A long pause. "NO! This isn't just some trick to get you and your boys to drive the lorries. Look, I just want you to come down here so I can stop you." The Doctor covers the phone with his hand dramatically and looks directly at the Cyber Controller while mouthing "For fucks sake!" about Mac, while the Controller shrugs knowingly. Book(s)/Other Related - Doctor Who And The Industrial Relations Dispute Of Death Untelevised Misadventures - The Doctor briefly comments that in his third body he once encountered the Cybermen while they were running an online Swingers website. He expected a foul sinister plot, but after attending many parties "undercover", he discovered it was just a bunch of people and machines having fun, and it was none of his business. He says he learned a lot from that experience. Groovy DVD Extras - If you cut out the token on the Cyberman box set, and take it to Toys R Us, they will give you 5 pounds off the RRP of £24.99 Well worth it. Remember to get rechargable batteries though. Dialogue Disasters - ----- (Addressing his creation) Lumic: You are the Cybermen. The new breed. The new era. No weakness. No compromise. You look so so good in leather chaps. ----- Dialogue Triumphs - The Doctor: You're a clever man. I'd call you a genius. Except that....well current circumstances preclude it. Viewer Quotes - "I'm just a bit confused where this story leaves everything. So, is Jackie Tyler some unconverted, lust groupie of the Cybermen for all time now? Does the Doctor just leave Lumic in place as the Cyber Controller and assume he's just too crap to actually ever take over the world? It's almost like they are trying to set up a sequel in the latter part of the series." - Daniel Guppy (2006) Russell T Davies Speaks! "This story was written based on my observation that the best engineers and designers aren't always the best people to actually IMPLEMENT those plans. So we've got Lumic who is undoubtedly a genius and brilliant at creating the Cybermen, but can't handle the people he's paid to drive the lorries, he can't even get the people who are meant to start up the factory to show up and do that. The Doctor doesn't actually want to put people's lives in danger, but he feels so sorry for Lumic in a way, that he decides to give it a stab to see if he can at least hand Lumic a token defeat; if he can have the hypothetical problem of 'Oh there are these people who could drive these lorries off and commit genocide, and I'll visibly and loudly stop them after I get them here, so that Lumic at least can say he was foiled'. Because as it stands, Lumic just has nothing. Some nice Cybermen designs and a few prototypes, but no actual mass production threat to speak of." David Tennant Speaks! "I love how this story is all one big morality play about...something, or other... I'm sorry what story am I commenting on again? I've sort of lost the thread somewhere. Sorry." Rumours & Facts - In the rumoured "original ending" of the script, Jackie is converted into a Cyber Queen and gets a job lap dancing in Soho; Mister Lumic is her pimp and the club is MC'ed by the Cyberleader -- "And now, our next EXCELLENT act -- welcome, our ghost in the machine, Cyber JACK-ie!"